The Diary of a Big Loser

You know what I look forward to everyday,
after work?

Besides my goggies greeting me at the door
and clambering all over themselves,
slobbering me with the kisses
the moment I step into the house.

I can't wait to shower,
poop (if the need arises)
have dinner...
and plonk my butt on the sofa..
to watch tv!

Yea,
I've become a regular couch potato...

I foresee myself 5 yrs from now
getting fat & lazy (oh wait...already lazy)
and hating the world.

Such irony...

Coz my fav tv show (currently)
is "The Biggest Loser".



For those who have no clue,
its a reality show/competition about
really overweight people who have been chosen
to live on a ranch,
follow a strict weightloss regimen
and stand to win
$250,000!

They are split into 2 teams,
Red & Blue
Both teams have a personal trainer,
Bob Harper



& Kim Lyons (season 3 onwards)



(previously Jillian Michaels)



Who put them through rigorous exercises
and teach them proper diet habits.
They also have competitions against each other
and the losing team will have to vote a member of their team out
of the game.



Its really amazing to watch the contestants
shed pounds after pounds...



Last night,
a 62 year old grandfather, Jerry lost 31 pounds (14 kgs) in ONE WEEK!!



I nearly fell off the sofa!

Everyone was worried he'd have a tough time
losing a couple of pounds,
due to his age and stamina
(or lack of)

But he proved them wrong
While working out, he was chanting
"Age is just a number, Age is just a number!"

Now, isn't that something?

I know its weird,
but I always choke up
when I watch "The Biggest Loser"

Every episode,
every day,
brings tears to my eyes...
(not amusing with dad sitting right next to me)

The fierce determination,
the emotions,
the agony,
pushing themselves beyond the limit,
and finally stepping on the scale
at the end of the week..
and finding out they lost pounds!

I've watched 3.5 seasons (4th season now) so far
and still love it!

They always change strategies
and game plans...
it makes it really interesting.

They even had to pull a jet plane
in last night's episode!


Erik Chopin [Season 3 Winner]

Its not just about losing weight or being healthy,
Its about changing their lives forever.

Matt Hoover [Season 2 Winner]

Suzy Preston [Season 2 finalist]

Matt Hoover & Suzy Preston

They met in Season 2 and are now happily MARRIED!!!

Ok, this is from Season 6 (probably airing in another 3 weeks if things go well)
but she sure lost a LOTTA weight!

My mom commented that its funny
that a skinny bean like me (am not skinny)
enjoys watching this programme.

Its INSPIRING!
not that I get off my butt to do any exercises...
and I jolly well SHOULD!

Sad to say,
I'm so used to plonking in front of the tv from
7pm till late,
continuously watching show after show...
every evening...

[Monday]

[18:15] Food Lovers' Guide to Australia (If I shower n all fast enough) [AFC]

[19:00] The Biggest Loser [Hallmark]

[20:00] Starworld Monday Night Laughs [StarWorld]

[21:00] The Amazing Race [AXN]

[22:00] HOUSE [AXN]


[Tuesday]

[18:15] Food Lovers' Guide to Australia (If I shower n all fast enough)

[19:00] The Biggest Loser

[20:00] Lipstick Jungle [StarWorld]

[21:00] Merlin [Hallmark]

[22:00] CSI: New York

[Wednesday]

[18:15] Food Lovers' Guide to Australia (If I shower n all fast enough)

[19:00] The Biggest Loser

[20:00] The Oprah Winfrey Show [Hallmark]/ True Blood [cineMAX]

[21:00] True Blood [cineMAX]

[22:00] CSI: Crime Scene Investigation [AXN]

[23:00] Chef at Home [Discovery Travel & Living]

[Thursday]

[18:15] Food Lovers' Guide to Australia (If I shower n all fast enough)

[19:00] The Biggest Loser

[20:00] Chef at Home

[21:00] onwards Random watevers...i'm quite knackered by this time of the week...

[Friday]

[18:15] Food Lovers' Guide to Australia (If I shower n all fast enough)

[19:00] The Biggest Loser

[20:00] onwards...whatever I feel like...maybe a good movie

Whoa..hmm...

Looks like I'm the
"other" kind of Biggest Loser here.
the No-Life variety...

*

I FINALLY DID IT!!

YuP Yup!!

I finally got a new camera and laptop!

With dad and bro in tow...
I made a very long journey to PISA for the PC Fair on Sunday.

Finding a parking space was MADNESS!!

Cars were parked until almost 1km away!!

I found a spot almost half a km away...
and we walked in the hot midday sun to the fair.

Throngs of people were trying to get into the hall
and many were coming out from the same door...
if anyone farted...
there would have been a lot of casualties.

Anyway,
I kinda had a specific brand of camera and laptop in mind
Panasonic for camera
and
HP/Compaq for laptop

We stopped at some stalls offering really good deals
for all their products..
but of course in the chaotic madness of the fair
It was not easy to think straight.

After ping-ponging from one stall to another
looking at so many specs...
going all confused...

I ended up getting a Panasonic Lumix FS7 digital camera [black].


I'm a point & shoot kinda person...so anything simple and straightforward works best for me.

Colorful designs with a playful, fashionable look. A camera that is easy to carry, easy to use, and easy to enjoy.

With iA Mode, taking a beautiful shot is as easy as pressing a button
Just press the iA button, aim and shoot. The camera does all the rest, automatically activating four detection and correction functions. These include MEGA O.I.S., which helps prevent blurring due to shaky hands, and Intelligent ISO Control, which helps prevent motion blur when the subject won't stay still. [e.g. my goggies, always busting a move]

MEGA O.I.S. helps prevent blurring when the camera shakes [e.g. my shakey hands]
Intelligent ISO Control helps prevent blur caused by subject motion
Intelligent Scene Selector selects the optimal scene mode for the situation
Face Detection AF/AE helps deliver clear portraits

Choose the focus indicator you like most
In addition to the ordinary mark that indicates when the shot is in focus, you can choose a flower, star, or three other designs.

Put borders around your photos, without a PC
In Photo Frame mode, you can compose your shot while displaying one of the frames registered in the camera. This is a quick, easy way to produce photos with attractive borders.
*The picture size is automatically resized to 2M (or below).

Official specs at panasonic.com.my/LUMIX

Ok, I admit I was quite the dumbo la
All the while I've told myself that I dont need such high MP camera.
So I had my sights on the Lumix FS6 [8 mp].

But I dont know y I ended up buying the FS7 instead.

Both were initially RM599 [FS6]
and RM699 [FS7]
but there were some additional discounts

So they became RM550 and RM650 respectively.
I think it was kiasuism and greed la...

The FS7 came with 2 SD cards [2GB and 4GB]
the FS6 came with only a 2GB card.

I only realised I was an idiot after making my payment.

ARGH!
Y SO DUMB WAN?

OH WELL!!

I'm using the 2mp setting at the moment and
its already goodsh*t!

plus I guess I paid for the extra 4GB card lo.
[thats how I console myself, can?]

Now, my lappy!

I know I wanted HP/Compaq (HP a bit pricy)...so when I saw some Compaq's going for RM2,300 onwards [14" screen]..i was seriously considering..

I truly believe marketing strategies do work...

They placed the dazzling HP Pavilion right next to the dowdy old Compaq..
So naturally, one would be so mezmerized by the brilliance of the HP Pavilion that
the boring-looking Compaq would instantly be shoved to the backseat.

Although I could have just settled for a good
Compaq Presario CQ40-325TU at RM2,349
which would have fulfilled all my needs,

I ended up getting the fancy
HP Pavilion dv3611TU
coz its more 'gaya'.

Again, kiasuism...
Original price RM3,600
[yes, I can hear u going,
but prices of laptops drop so fast,
yadda yadda yadda]

Mine cost RM2,999
+ RM50 (upgrade to 4GB RAM)

CPU	Intel® Core™ 2 Duo Processor T6400 2 x 2.0Ghz ( 2MB L2 Cache, 2.00GHz, 800MHz FSB)
RAM	2048MB(800MHz) / max 4GB* DDR2 Memory (1x2046)
HDD	320GB Serial ATA, 5400 rpm
VGA	NVIDIA GeForce 9300M GS (with 512MB ) of dedicated video memory
MainBoard	Intel® GM45 Express Chipset
Display	13.3 inch Wide (WXGA÷ 1280 x 800) TFT Colour display (Clear Bright LCD÷ White LED)
CD-DVD	Super Multi DVD +/-RW with Double Layer Drive
Webcam	HP Pavilion WebCam with Integrated Microphone
Wireless	Intel® Wireless 802.11a/g/n - Bluetooth Ver. 2.0 - FingerPrint
Ethernet	10/100/1000BASE-T (Gigabit)
Card Reader	5-in-1 card reader÷SD/MMC/MS/MS-Pro
PIN/Battery	6 Cells
O.S.	Genuine Windows Vista Home Premium

I haven't gotten the physical laptop yet...
I'll be picking it up soonish.

Will give a full update after using it.
(to my limited knowledge la of course)


Regrets?

Maybe not thinking straight about the camera...
(I plead temporary insanity)
and splurging on the laptop
(diminished responsibility?)

But...
I guess I have to be happy I got good quality stuff
and not just fancy gadgets

And I can finally stop bugging my friends about
specs.

Sorry guys!



*

Happiness on Hold

All my life I've not been happy with
certain parts of Myself...

Yea, I bet everyone has something
they aren't 100% happy about.


Physical appearance
--------------------------

For the longest time...

I hated my eyes...

They were tiny...

I've waited a long time to finally gather up the courage
and money (of course)
to do something about it...
and I have.

I know it sounds so shallow...

You see...I thought that I wasn't beautiful
with my small eyes..
although all my friends tell me they look "fine".

Oh well,
I've done it..



and I LOVE IT!
I have no regrets, whatsoever.

There has been other "shallow" stuff I've not been satisfied with..

For example
my tanned skin..

I tan as fast as 5 mins under the sun!

A friend said she remembers me as
"the small dark skinny thing"

Er...thanks.

I used to (ever since I was in primary school)
ride my bicycle all over my neighbourhood,
in midday...
play volleyball in the park from 3pm
and well...have always been out and about...
(I loved being out so much,
I once walked to my friend's house 2 blocks away
in a storm with a huge umbrella which was blown inside out,
I nearly took off with it!
Imagine a small dark skinny thingie clinging on to the skeleton of an umbrella!)


So back to my tanned skin...
its always been a bane in my bones...

I used to buy skin lightening lotions,
body washes, and watever I could get my hands on
to lighten my skin...

I wouldn't walk out in the sun without an umbrella...
scoot up shaded part of walkways just to get out of the sun...
and sit under a tree at the beach...

I even bought SPF 100 sunscreen when I was in Cannes, France!!
Ok, I know anything more than SPF30
doesn't mean it keeps u from tanning more.


Advertisements on tv didn't help my self-esteem either..

"Fair is Beautiful" etc..

About a year or so ago...
I decided to come to terms with the colour of my skin...

I know many girls crave for tanned skin and would
sunbake for hours just to get a tan (i have been born with)

When I was in the shower this morning,
I was lathering up my arm when
I realized I actually like my skin colour...
I also noticed that not all fair skinned people look great..
some look downright pasty and sick.

I understand what they mean by
"the healthy glow" now.

Although my skin does not "reflect light"
I know many would trade an arm for my skin!

So yes, I have found happiness in what I used to be miserable about.

I only use umbrellas when its raining
and although I do use sunscreen,
its only to protect my skin from burning
and skin cancer.

Next,

I also hate my fat cheeks!



I always wanted a sculpted face.

Trust me, I've used a couple of face slimming products to
reduce the fat on my face...
Some work...
some don't
(probably because I don't use them regularly)

I'm still coming to terms with my cheeks..
People call them cute...
boyfriend's love them...

I think I'm the only one who hates them...

I guess it is MY PROBLEM then.

Get over them, P!


Next,

Mental roadblocks
-----------------------


Having kids...

Whoa..ok this is a big life issue here!

I've wanted to have kids since I was 16!!

Ok i didn't want them when I was 16 la!!
I wanted to have them when I was of a proper age of course!
(truthfully, my aim was : last kid at 27)

I mean I used to think of names for my future kids...
think how many I would like...etc...

I'm pushing 29 this year...WHOOPS!
and I'm not even married...

We're way over the expiry date...

Then I got thinking...
do I really WANT kids?

I notice a lot of young couples who have kids
and they don't always look too happy...

Thinking about all
the cost, time, emotions
involved..

I know many people claim
having kids is what we're meant to do
(that and marriage of course...next)
and that they bring ultimate joy to your life..
but I guess some people are meant to have them
and some aren't.
That's just how life is...
not everyone go down the same path in life.

So, I have given up WANTING kids.

I'm happier now,
not chasing that illusion.

Oh, I HAVE kids..
They're just the furry kind.

My little Prince - Chino


My little Princess Zara

P R E C I O U S !


Next,

the big M

yea...

Marriage

er...so..yea...
NOPE..
hasn't happened..

Dunno if its gonna happen anytime soon either.

So, u know what?

I've stopped waiting, hoping and
begun to
appreciate what I have been blessed with instead.

Do I need to be married to be HAPPY?

Dun think so...

I talked enough about it in my previous post.
This is getting old.

Oh and MR RIGHT?

urban myth that one.


So now,
I've shed all those burdens
(almost all la, still hate my cheeks)
and I feel so

LIBERATED!!!!

I'm not putting my Happiness on hold anymore

Don't waste your time wanting
unnecessary, trivial things
before you can start to be
HAPPY.

I hated my eyes,
while some are born without sight.
I am thankful I have perfect vision too.

I hated my skin colour,
while some babies are born with skin problems
(eg. Harlequin-type ichthyosis/congenital ichthyosis)

I hated my fat cheeks,
while so many people are STARVING!

I wanted kids,
they're overrated and expensive!
I have my darlings instead!!

I wanted to be married,
while so many couples are getting divorced.
also overrated (M) and expensive (D)
HAHA!


In the end of the day...

I realized...
I need so little to truly be HAPPEE.



*

Looney Bin, here I come!

I am going crazy....

And i dont mean "Fun - Crazy"

I mean...really crazy...Cuckoo!

Ok, as my colleague {E} and I moved into our own office room,

We decided to make it nice smelling...

So I told her I had an old oil burner at home
and that I'll bring it to office for us to use.

I went home to look for my old blue burner...

I have a new one now, with a deeper 'bowl' to hold more water
so I dont have to keep refilling it every so often

I remembered packing it up after buying my new brown one (2 mths ago).

So I ransacked my whole room,
Opening plastic bags, paper bags, duffel bags, backpacks,
boxes, cupboards, drawers...

Inside an old paperbag, containing all my old perfumes
(from Fragonard, Grasse - prolly all dried up by now)
and various other knick-knacks...
I found the blue box my blue burner came in
It was a gift from my BVC coursemates in UK
There were 3 blue tealights and one bottle of aromatherapy oil.

So imagine my utter confusion when I found
the burner kept inside the blue box
was Purple...

Hmmm.....oxidisation?




Ok, in my distant memory..
I do remember having a purple burner
which I used before I was given the blue one
Its not even a fancy smanschy burner either..

But since moving out of my ex's and
back to my parent's,
I DISTINCTLY remember using the blue burner...

But WHERE was it???

Ok, the purple and blue burners
look exactly alike...
same shape, size and design..

So before I check myself into
the Looney Bin...

I decided to text my ex...
to confirm I'm not crazy...

P : Hey u remember the oil burner I had? Was it purple or blue? I could swear it was blue but I found an old purple one. Tell me I'm not going crazy.

Ex : Blue la

P : Wait, then where is the blue one? Ok thanks, u just confirmed i'm going crazy

Ex : U idiot blue one here la (his place)

P : R U SURE? U mean I ransacked my whole room n nearly booked myself into Tg Rambutan for nothing? Argh!! Ok at least i can sleep tonight. Got the purple one.

Ex : Just held it up with me hands and saw blue. Either u stupid or I colour blind.
(i think he's colour blind! HAHAHA!!)

P : U a zillion percent sure its there? I'm not crazy? I thought I used the blue one here!!! (parents house) SURE? SURE??

Ex : U FOOL! (COW!)

P : U sure its not a new one u bought? Sure? Then i must be going crazy la. Coz i distinctly remember using a blue one here! Oh Gawd!
(ok, at this point I don't blame him for thinking I've officially lost it)

Ex : U are GILA and FOOL!

P : Ok thanks. Now i can sleep peacefully.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Ok call me crazy la...

But i REALLY REALLY REALLY do remember using the blue one when I moved back to my parent's.

Here's why I think so :-

#1. I used to scrub the 'cup/bowl' (blue burner), with an old toothbrush so the excess dried oil wouldn't leave a ring of crust.
The purple one I found had a very hard old ring of crust inside.

#2. It (purple burner) was stored away in a place I hardly touched since I came back from UK (in 2004).

#3. When moving out of my ex's, I remember packing the blue one in plastic bags together with my numerous bottles of aromatherapy oils and tealights.
And I had it on my bedside table until I bought the new brown one.

So although my ex says the blue one is with him...I'm still not 100% convinced, because I had totally forgotten about the purple one until I dug deep and found it..so I couldn't have JUST packed it away 2 mths ago.

Until I hold the blue one in my very own hands and see it with my own eyes...
I'm still not convinced it's at my ex's.

I'm not calling him a liar...

I just don't want to admit I'm
GOING CRAZY!!



*

Reflections

Every single person on this planet is guilty of

JUDGING

There's just no escaping it.

I dare any one to deny this.

Its just too easy for us to look at someone or a situation
and give our opinion

Which isn't entirely bad right?
It is after all, OUR OPINION

However, does it make it right?

Do we HAVE a RIGHT to give an OPINION
about someone or something?

Lately, I've been more than aware of being Judgmental
towards others.

I find myself too quick to judge
and form an opinion about someone or something
that I know too little about
In other words, an UNINFORMED judgment/opinion

In my daily life,
I am faced with people who are

Self-centered,

Selfish,

Arrogant,

Egoistic,

Domineering,

Demanding,

Unreasonable,

Hateful,

Vengeful,

and the list goes on.

How does one handle these characteristics in a person?

Do we treat them the same way they do the world?

Give them back all that they deserve?

Do we rant and rave about them to our friends, family and colleagues?

Or do we take it in our stride and have

COMPASSION
?

You see, the more we behave negatively or have bad thoughts about people who we regard as "poisonous", have we looked at ourselves?

I realised that we are most similar to the people we dislike the most.

So, should we be so quick to pass judgment?

Or should we look at ourselves first?

With recent happenings in my life,
I decided to blog about this.

To my pleasant surprise,
I received a forwarded email
on the same subject

What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look. Before we give any criticism, it might be a good idea to check our state of mind and ask ourselves if we are ready to see the good rather than to be looking for something in the person we are about to judge.

So what is COMPASSION?

from Dictionary.com

compassion
noun
1.	a deep awareness of and sympathy for another's suffering
2.	the humane quality of understanding the suffering of others and wanting to do something about it

So what can we DO about the suffering of another?

To me,
the best thing to do,
is NOT TO REACT against the negative behaviour


Too often,
we think that WE should DO something,
let the bad person have the taste of his/her own medicine
put them in their place,
Hope he/she will suffer for making us feel
Small, unfairly treated, frustrated, used.


But you know what?
Then we'll be EXACTLY like the person we despise so much.


Bottomline
-------------

Understand the root of their bad behaviour,
Know that no one really wants to be horrible,
Something must be bothering them
for them to act this way


Trust me,
You'll be doing yourself a huge
FAVOUR

Don't let someone else's bad behaviour
affect the enjoyment of your life
or make u miserable

WHY SHOULD YOU?


Try this :

- Understand -

- Reflect -

- Let it be -

- Let it go -


Let me know if it works.


*

A Good R&R

As our Hospital observes Good Friday, we had a 3 day weekend!

Friday
--------

Woke up early...drove Dad n bro to the State I.C. office
to change all our MyKad addresses
(long overdue - 3 yrs)

That went pretty quickly..
so we had brekkie at the Dim Sum place next door...

Did jack all the rest of the day...


Saturday
-----------

Awoken at 9.30am by my little parpie giving my ear a good cleaning...

So I decided to wash-up and boiled some soup for lunch...

Used the rest of my pork pieces,
cut up potatoes, onions, carrots, cabbage...
added some dried dates and kichi...

ground up some potatoes, onions, carrots and garlic
to make the soup a lil thicker....

dumped in some pasta...and
Voila!
lunch.

Spent the rest of the afternoon chatting with Alister.
Took a nap - coz i had a migraine
(lack of caffeine does that)

Later,
I met up with some friends at this pool party @ G Hotel
Can't say it was terribly exciting
Got eaten by mozzies
Then it started to rain,
so we adjourned to Sega Fredos
then headed home after a drink
(Chocolate Milkshake!)



Sunday
---------

Woke up bright n early...

Actually I was gonna join PamK for tennis...at 10am

kept hitting the snooze button from 8.45 - 8.55 - 9.05

and finally resolved to WAKE UP already LAZYARSE!

I haven't done any sort of sport in AGES
so if i dont get my butt moving now...
I'll never get to it...

PamK & Logan picked me up...
Handed me a char siew pau...
and off we went to PSC

I'm glad to report..

I didn't kill any living creature
human, bird, etc..
ok so maybe i stomped on some ants...
SORRY LA!

My tennis was not superb...
What can i say..
squash players cant really play tennis la.

My right arm feels a bit weary today..

but its ALL good...
Better than i expected actually..

Can't wait to play again next weekend!!

Oh, PamK & Logan & I
went to Bt. Ferringhi night markets
PamK wanted to get some beachy clothes
so we braved the storm..
found a few good bargains
spent heaps of time at this t-shirt stall..
really funny captions and twisted logos.
U know the kind.

Well, I must say...
I had a really good weekend...
not too stressful
yet not wasted...
I rested, exercised and socialized...


*

Heartwarming

My brother and his classmate (who's staying with us over spring break, we'll call him Luke [not his real name]. He's a dorm student at the International school my brother attends) had a motor accident 2 days ago.

When I was informed about it, I was of course concerned and worried, as dad said that they were on the way to the Hospital in an ambulance.

I tried to contact my mom, but her phone was on "silent".

She eventually called me back, so I conveyed the msg to her.

They came home bandaged up in various places, but thankfully didn't suffer from serious injuries.

3 stitches max.

An elderly couple in a car had bumped the back of my brother's motorcycle
and literally swiped them off the road!

After knocking them over and dragging them a few feet,
the car attempted to speed off...

Luckily another motorist managed to stop the elderly couple
(who were trying to escape - the NERVE!)

To add insult to injury, the elderly couple blamed my brother for being in the way!!!

Someone called an ambulance, as they saw my brother and Luke all bloody.

Yesterday, I took Luke out for lunch,
as dad and my bro went to make the police report
and he was all alone at home.

Las tnight, after putting some anti-septic cream for my brother and Luke,
we were just hanging out at home watching tv.

I could see that they were taking it easy..
trying not to move so much as the injuries were still
very raw and still hurt a lot.

As Luke had to sit at an odd angle coz of his injuries,
I invited him to sit on the couch were it would be more comfortable.

As he sat down..he said,
"Thanks for treating me like your little brother, Pam".

Awww....
I nearly choked-up!
ok..I nearly cried...
I was so touched.

Truth be told...it didn't really occur to me that I was treating him like my little brother.

All I knew was that he's another human being and that's how I should treat them.
I did it automatically and subconsciously.

I'm not saying I'm a saint.

But it was so heartwarming that he acknowledged my little acts and gestures
and that I made him feel like part of the family.

He lives in Penang in a dorm and his parents are in another country doing Missionary work and his sister lives in the US. This is the second time he's staying with us and he's such a polite, well-mannered boy. It is really a joy and pleasure to have him stay with us.

And above all, I'm glad he feels welcomed in our home.


*