Happiness on Hold

All my life I've not been happy with
certain parts of Myself...

Yea, I bet everyone has something
they aren't 100% happy about.


Physical appearance
--------------------------

For the longest time...

I hated my eyes...

They were tiny...

I've waited a long time to finally gather up the courage
and money (of course)
to do something about it...
and I have.

I know it sounds so shallow...

You see...I thought that I wasn't beautiful
with my small eyes..
although all my friends tell me they look "fine".

Oh well,
I've done it..



and I LOVE IT!
I have no regrets, whatsoever.

There has been other "shallow" stuff I've not been satisfied with..

For example
my tanned skin..

I tan as fast as 5 mins under the sun!

A friend said she remembers me as
"the small dark skinny thing"

Er...thanks.

I used to (ever since I was in primary school)
ride my bicycle all over my neighbourhood,
in midday...
play volleyball in the park from 3pm
and well...have always been out and about...
(I loved being out so much,
I once walked to my friend's house 2 blocks away
in a storm with a huge umbrella which was blown inside out,
I nearly took off with it!
Imagine a small dark skinny thingie clinging on to the skeleton of an umbrella!)


So back to my tanned skin...
its always been a bane in my bones...

I used to buy skin lightening lotions,
body washes, and watever I could get my hands on
to lighten my skin...

I wouldn't walk out in the sun without an umbrella...
scoot up shaded part of walkways just to get out of the sun...
and sit under a tree at the beach...

I even bought SPF 100 sunscreen when I was in Cannes, France!!
Ok, I know anything more than SPF30
doesn't mean it keeps u from tanning more.


Advertisements on tv didn't help my self-esteem either..

"Fair is Beautiful" etc..

About a year or so ago...
I decided to come to terms with the colour of my skin...

I know many girls crave for tanned skin and would
sunbake for hours just to get a tan (i have been born with)

When I was in the shower this morning,
I was lathering up my arm when
I realized I actually like my skin colour...
I also noticed that not all fair skinned people look great..
some look downright pasty and sick.

I understand what they mean by
"the healthy glow" now.

Although my skin does not "reflect light"
I know many would trade an arm for my skin!

So yes, I have found happiness in what I used to be miserable about.

I only use umbrellas when its raining
and although I do use sunscreen,
its only to protect my skin from burning
and skin cancer.

Next,

I also hate my fat cheeks!



I always wanted a sculpted face.

Trust me, I've used a couple of face slimming products to
reduce the fat on my face...
Some work...
some don't
(probably because I don't use them regularly)

I'm still coming to terms with my cheeks..
People call them cute...
boyfriend's love them...

I think I'm the only one who hates them...

I guess it is MY PROBLEM then.

Get over them, P!


Next,

Mental roadblocks
-----------------------


Having kids...

Whoa..ok this is a big life issue here!

I've wanted to have kids since I was 16!!

Ok i didn't want them when I was 16 la!!
I wanted to have them when I was of a proper age of course!
(truthfully, my aim was : last kid at 27)

I mean I used to think of names for my future kids...
think how many I would like...etc...

I'm pushing 29 this year...WHOOPS!
and I'm not even married...

We're way over the expiry date...

Then I got thinking...
do I really WANT kids?

I notice a lot of young couples who have kids
and they don't always look too happy...

Thinking about all
the cost, time, emotions
involved..

I know many people claim
having kids is what we're meant to do
(that and marriage of course...next)
and that they bring ultimate joy to your life..
but I guess some people are meant to have them
and some aren't.
That's just how life is...
not everyone go down the same path in life.

So, I have given up WANTING kids.

I'm happier now,
not chasing that illusion.

Oh, I HAVE kids..
They're just the furry kind.

My little Prince - Chino


My little Princess Zara

P R E C I O U S !


Next,

the big M

yea...

Marriage

er...so..yea...
NOPE..
hasn't happened..

Dunno if its gonna happen anytime soon either.

So, u know what?

I've stopped waiting, hoping and
begun to
appreciate what I have been blessed with instead.

Do I need to be married to be HAPPY?

Dun think so...

I talked enough about it in my previous post.
This is getting old.

Oh and MR RIGHT?

urban myth that one.


So now,
I've shed all those burdens
(almost all la, still hate my cheeks)
and I feel so

LIBERATED!!!!

I'm not putting my Happiness on hold anymore

Don't waste your time wanting
unnecessary, trivial things
before you can start to be
HAPPY.

I hated my eyes,
while some are born without sight.
I am thankful I have perfect vision too.

I hated my skin colour,
while some babies are born with skin problems
(eg. Harlequin-type ichthyosis/congenital ichthyosis)

I hated my fat cheeks,
while so many people are STARVING!

I wanted kids,
they're overrated and expensive!
I have my darlings instead!!

I wanted to be married,
while so many couples are getting divorced.
also overrated (M) and expensive (D)
HAHA!


In the end of the day...

I realized...
I need so little to truly be HAPPEE.



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